Moon Unit, the Wonderslug and Other Adventurous Stories

Last time on Cracked Parenthood, Moon Unit was getting sniffy about having to help out with Kismet, about being expected to reimburse insurance costs, about life in general, and had stormed out of the house and stormed back in again a few hours later.

The next night, she left again, this time with a plan to stay with a friend for a few days. I'd like to say it seemed different without her there but honestly, since she spends most of her time hiding in her bedroom, it really wasn't all that different, other than not being present during dinner and her bedroom door not being open in the evenings.

Meanwhile, Kismet had a full and complete melt-down at home the day after that, her first since moving in with us, requiring me and Brad to physically restrain her, which really should not be a good time for all and yet oddly enough, Kismet seemed to enjoy it to a certain extent, giggling several times during her restraint. She had become rather wound up during the day, wanting to go out to play in the newly fallen snow but not having proper snow clothing and having no one to play with. Being a Sunday and being Utah, her friends were unable to play with her. As the day wore on, she wound up more and more until she had her explosion that evening.

The odd thing that I don't understand about her is that when she gets wound up and starts being resistant, and particularly in melt-down mode, she doesn't even seem to be the same person. When calmed down later, she doesn't understand why she did what she did and as it happens, she seems to have little control over what she's doing. It's just one of those things that hasn't really been explained to us.

Back on the ranch, Moon Unit emailed to say she was coming back home the next day. When told we would need to discuss her plans for the future and talk about her expectations, she had an explosion herself and ranted at us in email about everything from how Brad is handling Kismet to me asking for assistance with the costs of her insurance coverage to having to help out with Kismet, claiming that Kismet was not her responsibility. So then I followed that up with "You're almost 20, you're no longer my responsibility, either." I told her she could live at home but she needed to live by the rules and do what was expected of her. She got even more mad, called us assholes and that she didn't want to be a part of our family. So I told her good luck with what she's doing and that she was welcome to come back when she wanted to follow the rules.

Honestly, as terrible as it sounds, I am incredibly relieved that she is not coming back yet. The idea of her coming back cranky was stressful. I've spent 20 stressful years with her and now that she's out, I'm not eager for her to come back. Much as I'd like to believe she'll be able to stay out there on her own, I don't think she's going to be able to. At some point, she's probably going to have to eat some humble pie and come home.

Kismet has been doing mostly okay this week but she did start to get agitated a couple times and requried a dose of medication meant specifically for when she's getting worked up. It's more or less a sedative. It's not what we really want to be doing with her but it is the best option we have right now for helping her stay in control of her emotions.

Why I'm Prematurely Losing My Hair

A lot has gone on in the last little while since I last posted. (Yes, I know I shouldn't use two "last"s right after the other that way but I'm going to claim emotional exhaustion as my excuse for doing it.) We have had some interesting times with Kismet. Interesting being probably the kindest word I can think of right now. We were all psyched up by the people who brought us Kismet, thinking that we would be dealing with random rages at home: flying furniture, holes in the wall, broken doors, screaming banshee fits, and horse heads found on our pillows when we go to bed at night (I may have made that last part up). And while it sounded a bit extreme, I thought we could handle it. After all, I had dealt with many a screaming hissy fit and broken items and bird heads on my pillow when I went to bed at night (I may have made that up, too) with Moon Unit. And yes, we have indeed had a few relatively minor tantrums here at home. I say relatively minor because compared with what I know she is capable of doing, it's relatively minor.

Instead of the huge melt-downs at home we've anticipated, we have been dealing with a resolute obstinance about returning home from various places. Twice, she was at school and had a melt-down there and refused to come home when Brad went to pick her up. Her refusals turned into stays at a short term kids' psych ward, which is exactly where she wanted to be the first time. She got to play and have group therapy and fun stuff like that. But then the next day, she wanted to come home. She stayed another a day longer than she wanted but came home pretty quickly.

The following week, EXACTLY ONE WEEK from her last stay, she had another melt-down at school and again, refused to come home. This time, she decided she wanted to go to the state hospital instead. Which she was told she couldn't do without a referral. She and Brad spent the entire day sitting around in the waiting room of an emergency room. Finally, she was taken to the kids' psych ward again. Only when she got there and got everything done for her stay, she wanted to come home. But she didn't get to. The second time, she stayed for a week. And she wasn't allowed to have fun, which resulted in melt-downs there. She had her medication adjusted and finally was released.

Today, she was supposed to start school but she wasn't able to because she needed all her shots updated and she was missing one shot. So she spent the morning with Brad and had therapy in the afternoon. When they were leaving, she once again refused to come home. Fortunately for Brad, unfortunately for Kismet, her therapy appointment was in the business office of the people who are supporting us through this mess and so they got involved. She told Brad that she wanted him to take her to the emergency room because she thought he would stay there with her all day. But she didn't get her way.

What it appears to be coming down to here is one of two things: a) she's trying to control and manipulate Brad because he's very easy on her or b) she is trying to get his undivided attention 24/7. Or both. Likely both. I have been trying to get him to realize that he's got to be tougher with her and issue consequences for poor behavior but he's been refusing. And she realizes the kinds of things she can get away with because of it. It's become a pattern of behavior now for her which needs to be halted right away. The only way that this is going to happen is for Brad to remove himself from the situation whenever possible.

While we were prepared for rampages and ultra deluxe super fantastic exciting super absorbent tantrums with wings, we weren't prepared for this sullen obstinance and refusal to come home. And this is wearing us both out. Mostly Brad because he's the one who's been with her while these things happen (because I'm at work) but also me because I know how frustrating it is for him and I also know that he isn't getting any work done when this is happening. Which means that he could lose his clients, it means he could lose money (he has, actually, been losing money), it could mean we lose our home and everything.

We will be having family therapy again this Wednesday with the therapist Kismet sees and we also have a guy who is a specialist in Reactive Attachment Disorder (which Kismet has been diagnosed with) who is supposed to come to our house once a week to work with us. Hopefully, between these therapy sessions, we can start to turn some of this behavior around before we lose our home. Wish us luck.

Three Weeks and Counting....

Now that I took the time to vent in my last post, I'm on to how Kismet has been doing up to this point in time with us. We are going on 4 weeks with her living with us this Friday. And so far, things have been going... well... not bad. From my perspective, anyway. I think from Brad's perspective, things have been kinda tough.

See, it's like this. Kismet responds much better to me than she does Brad. As she says to me, she's "more used to" me than she is Brad. While she spends far more time with Brad during the day than with me, she's not used to having a dad. She says. It's not that I doubt the veracity of this statement. I know her bio dad was not present much in her life but at the same time, she lived in a group home and a foster home and both had fathers in the house that she had to take instruction from. It feels like an excuse, honestly.

Since I'm not the one who deals with her all day long like Brad is (who is in the stay-at-home parent role and I think we all know that the stay-at-home parent gets much less respect from the kids) PLUS she's not used to having a dad, it's hard to really know what lies behind her actions, if there is any sort of sense to be had from it at all. I guess there's just so much about Reactive Attachment Disorder that we don't know or understand.

She's back in school full time this week with minimal problems. She had a few melt-downs at school her first week but after Brad spoke with the school about some of the stuff that was going on, they started handling her better in school. She put in a week of half days and has started back full time this week and so far, so good.

She's still obstinate, still has a temper that flares up on no notice at all, and still a bit sassy. But then a lot of kids are like that. So far, we've seen little of the demon child we've been warned would show her face as she started settling in and feeling safe. If anything, she has actually been a sweeter and more helpful child now that she's settling in. The only thing that seems to trigger a bad reaction in her is an unannounced change in her schedule, or, more accurately, an unannounced change in her expectations for her schedule. She does fine when she knows what to expect but does not do well when things change. We can accomodate some of that but we will need to learn how to handle the unexpected changes when they happen.

I'm Not Always Passive

I was going to write a blog post about how Kismet has been doing to date in our house and at school but there's just been something else that's been burning in my mind for the last few days that I want to get out of my system. And that is how much I want to kick the ass of Kismet's bio mom.

I can sorta deal with the fact that this woman chose drugs over her daughter. I mean, I've never used drugs, never been addicted, but I get the fact that the road to recovery is extremely difficult, particularly if you don't have a good support system in place. I get how hard it can be for some people to make the right choice, to get the help they need to clean up. But when you choose to walk out of rehab rather than stay and get clean when it's your last chance to get your child back, I can't deal with what that does to your child. You have just told your child that they don't mean that much to you. There's probably little more you could have done to destroy their self-esteem and you leave it up to someone else, a total stranger, to try to help your child pick up the pieces of their life.

But that's not all. Kismet put pictures of her bio mom up on the walls of her bedroom. I know that she still loves her mom. I also know that she still has a lot of anger towards her mom as well. She told me that her mom used to hit her and, while she hasn't said as much, we suspect her mom used to call her stupid, because she's very sensitive to that word. And her mom lied to her about some stuff that totally hurt Kismet's feelings. And totally flaked out on her when she was supposed to visit her.

Then, because Brad is like uber-virtual-stalker and wants to know where Kismet's family are and what they are doing, he discovered the bio mom's Facebook page. On it, bio mom has posted pictures of Kismet. And she says stuff under the pictures like, "Me and Kismet forever." Umm... no, you stupid cow, you gave up the right to have her forever when you walked out of rehab and went back to drugs. And she has Kismet's name tattooed on her leg. She lost her parental rights two years ago. It's a new tattoo. And she posts a picture of Kismet and says, "Kismet's happy face. I love her smile, she's so pretty." Okay, I get that maybe she misses her daughter. And maybe she's sober enough to realize that she fucked up badly in her child's life. Maybe. Or maybe she just wants her friends to think that her daughter is still an important part of her life. I don't know.

What I do know is that she did fuck up badly in her daughter's life. So badly that Kismet had to spend a year in the mental hospital in the kids wing. Yeah, that bad! And the mom was still "involved" at that point in Kismet's life. But did she straighten herself out, get sober, once she realized that her actions put her daughter in the mental hospital? NO! SHE DID NOT! And that, my friends, is what burns my butt more than anything else. Kismet has pictures of her and her mother on the wall taken at the hospital. And it makes me furious. Not that Kismet has the pictures of her mom on the wall. Much as it bugs me because I'm the one putting Kismet to bed at night, tucking her in, giving her kisses and staying in her room until she falls asleep because she's scared and Brad is the one who gets up with her in the middle of the night when she has nightmares, and she has a lot of them, and he gets her ready to go to school in the morning and picks her up from school when she's had a bad day. In spite of all that, I do understand why she has the pictures up.

No, I'm furious that this woman just DID NOT CARE about her own child. I know it happens, it's why a lot of kids are in foster care and why a lot of kids are up for adoption. But the fact that this woman is still posting pictures on Facebook and acting as if she loves her daughter so when she had a chance to make it all right just makes me want to punch her in the face. And so help me god, if I ever see her, I'm gonna do it.

The Boys Meet Kismet

Last weekend, we decided it was time for the boys to meet Kismet. Brad and I had been disagreeing on how that should happen. He was all ready for an all-day adventure with Kismet, as he'd had her over an entire Saturday while I was out of town. But I didn't feel that the boys' first exposure to her should be an all-day adventure, since I wasn't sure how things would go. Not to mention that Brad has had more opportunities to spend quality time with her so he knows her better (and is also madly in love with her) and is ready to have her move in right now while the rest of us are still trying to get to know her.

We finally decided to have her spend a few hours with us in an informal fashion. We picked the boys up and then picked her up and took them off to Hollywood Connection to play. We got some food and played miniature golf and let the kids run around and get on some rides for a bit. Kismet connected with Frank very fast. Frank is adorable and charming (no matter what his siblings say) and interactive and girls just love him to bits, so he's used to a lot of attention from girls. Obviously, he loves the attention, too, and it goes to his head a bit.

Kismet kept hugging him and at one point, when she wasn't close by, he said to me, "I think she likes me." Of course, he meant LIKE like but I tried to downplay that a bit and just said, "Of course she likes you. She doesn't have any brothers or sisters and has always wanted them. She's excited about the fact that you're close to her age and will do the things she likes to do."

We then headed over to a mall for a little bit because Kismet loves to go. I was highly amused by the fact that she hauled Frank off to Claire's to look at girly stuff. He put up with it for a few minutes then decided he'd had enough and wanted to go look for hats. Surprisingly, she was game and the two of them went racing off through the mall to find a Zumiez so Frank could look at skater stuff, as he's a skater wannabe. As we were leaving, she made us stop at a bridal store so she could look at the prom dresses and Frank looked at me and said, "I'm not used to having a sister who's into girly things," to which I replied, "I know! I'm not used to having a daughter who's into girly things." (This because Moon Unit hasn't been into girly things since Frank was a baby.)

We eventually took her back home and she wanted to play tag with Frank, who would have been all for it, I think, but we had to end our day. After dropping her off, Dweezil made a comment about how Kismet seemed all over Frank and had more or less ignored him. I wasn't sure how that affected him, if it bothered him or made him jealous at all but he passed it off by saying, "I'd rather be underloved by someone I don't know than overloved by someone I don't know." Dweezil and Kismet will surely connect in time as they both have a deep-seated love of music. They'll probably be sharing their tunes and talking music.

In the meantime, I think I can safely say that their meeting was a success. As long as Kismet and Frank continue to get along so well, I think there's a good possibility of them being good friends. Frank has longed for a sibling as active as he is and who would do things with him and I believe that Kismet will be willing to do the things that Frank wants to do. She is every bit as active, if not more so, as he is and this could be a match made in heaven.

Foster parent training starts tomorrow. We are less than 3 weeks away from bringing her home.

Dealing with Disappointment

Yesterday, we spent some time with Kismet again. She was pretty obsessed with Brad's iPhone, to the point of not interacting much with us, at least during dinner. We then tried to find something interesting to do in the short period of time we were able to keep her but a good number of stores in the valley close at 6 p.m. on Sundays and since she didn't get out of church until 4:30 and we had dinner first, we were pretty limited in our options.

We did, however, get to take her into Best Buy. Oddly enough, she really wanted to go in there and she bounced around from item to item, going about 500 miles an hour. It's funny, Moon Unit also had ADHD as a young child but she is now 19 and has outgrown most of it. I'd forgotten how exhausting these kids can be. Even just watching them is tiring.

We took her back home and the other girls who are in care in the group home were there. Kismet gave a quick round of hugs and then just turned her back on us. So we left and it took a little while pondering on the situation to realize she was probably playing it cool and non-chalant in front of the other girls.

Later in the evening, Brad tried to give her a call to say goodnight but discovered that, just like the last time we took her out, she had another melt-down after dropping her off. After talking with her foster father for a bit, we discovered that the reason Kismet keeps having these melt-downs is because over the years, so many people have failed her. Her mother used to tell her she'd get clean and take her home but she never did. Or she was supposed to come visit but then wouldn't. And her group home parents would come and go, so it was hard to attach to anyone because it seemed, to her, like they always left her. So in her mind, when we took her back home after visiting with her, we would not be back. That makes her melt-downs perfectly understandable.

How sad is it that at such a tender young age, a child can already come to understand that adults are not always true to their word? How sad is it that this poor child has had so much disappointment with the people in her life that she wanted to be close to and wanted to love her that she has a hard time trusting us and believing we will be back?

I don't know if there's any way for us to be able to reassure her now that we will be back but Brad did tell her last night when she was allowed to call us back that we would always be there for her. I don't know if she believes it. We will see her again hopefully on Wednesday and then I'm out of town for 5 days. I worry that she will think I won't be back but Brad will be out to see her while I'm gone.

I guess this will work itself out in time, that eventually she will come to realize that we are always going to be there for her. Hopefully, she will start to understand that we will not abandon her, and some day, she will get over the disappointment she has experienced with those who she felt failed her in her life. Hopefully, she will learn to trust again.

Meeting Our Destiny

So we met Kismet last night. It was pretty darned cool. We met at Red Robin, which is one of her favorite places to eat. She came with her caseworker and her CASA (court appointed special advocate, which is a volunteer who is appointed by court to, well, advocate for abused and neglected children in the foster care system, see more). Her CASA had a big binder full of pictures of Kismet from their different activities and adventures together, which we had a chance to browse through rather quickly while waiting for Kismet and her caseworker. It was fun to see the different pictures and things she likes to do.

Kismet walked in and looked at us and looked all serious for a moment. Then she instantly started to dig into her bag to get some stuff out for us but we were lead off to our table. She wanted to sit between me and Brad. She then handed us some pictures that she colored for us and she gave us some bracelets that she made for us, with our names spelled out in beads. She hands Brad's to him and says, "I know your name has an R in it but I didn't have one [me instantly thinking the bracelet she made said "Bad"] so I put a green bead in there instead." So cute!

She was very chatty and a bit giddy and Brad and I were both so charmed by her and I have little recollection of most of the dinner experience, just sitting and absorbing her. She did ask us almost immediately if it was okay to call us mom and dad, which of course we said it was, and so she did. When her CASA was leaving, she decided to walk out with her, having conversed with her caseworker in whispers first, then as she was walking past me, she leaned over and whispered, "I'm going out because I'm gassy." That made me chuckle.

She was enthralled by the fact that Brad has an iPhone and wanted us to give her a ride back to her house after dinner. She asked to ride in the passenger seat and so she played with Brad's phone all the way back to her house. Brad asked her what her favorite color was and she said blue. Then he asked her, "Paper or plastic?" She looked at him and said, "That's a dumb question." And we laughed some more. Then she asked us if we swore, to which we replied that yes, sometimes we swear but not at other people. She had seen something on Brad's phone with the "S-word" on it and he told her that she would have to keep him in line with his swearing, to which she replied, "Yes, I can see that." As I'm laughing, I'm thinking, "This kid is a good match for our family!"

We get to her house and we go inside with her while she drops stuff off and then she comes back out and says, "I don't want you guys to leave," and throws herself at Brad, giving him the longest hug ever. I was a little worried with how long the hug was that she might be getting ready to have a melt-down but she didn't. Then she finally let go of him and hugged me for a little bit then went back to hug Brad again. She's really taken to Brad, although I console myself with this by saying that it's only coz he had an iPhone. I'm not jealous that she likes Brad better. (Okay, maybe I am a little bit.)

She also asked us if she could spend the weekend with us and we had to tell her not yet but that we would see her again this weekend. Brad called over to her house today and was told by the foster parents that she had a bit of a melt-down today because she wanted to be with us. I guess nothing says, "I like you guys and want to be with you," by having a melt-down at school. :-) But I think everyone rather expected something like that to happen.

We will see her again this weekend and we are looking forward to it. We have another month-plus before she gets to come home with us. Seems like a long time.

The Saga Continues....

So last we met, I mentioned that we decided to go forward with trying to adopt a child from foster care. This is the reason I should have started the blog back in January. It only took me three posts to get around to explaining myself. I think that might be a record!

Anyway, having had a turbulent adulthood, I was very worried about the home study process. I was worried that I was going to be told that I wasn't good enough. You have tons of hoops to jump through just to prepare for the home study: criminal background check, child abuse background check, proof of insurance, references, medical check-up, basic income and debt information, guardianship agreement, and an anal probe. That last part might not be true. Next, you get grilled about your upbringing, your life, your kids (if you have any), family, significant relationships, employment, religious affiliation, etc, etc. By the time you get done, you think maybe an anal probe might have been easier and less painful!

In the end, though, we were approved for adoption. Huzzah, we thought! Here we go. Next stop: Kid World, where we get to shop for a new kid. Hey, this is better than trying to have your own. They've already been potty-trained, feed themselves, and sleep through the night! You already know what their personalities are going to be like, you know what their hang-ups are, and you have a whole team of experts to help you, unlike having your own newborn baby. I tell my boss, "We're going to be adopting," to prepare him for the time I'm going to need to take off. Coz I'm responsible like that, yo! He says, "When?" I say, "I don't actually know. Probably no sooner than a month." A month! Hah!

Of course it's not that easy. No one tells you that adopting from foster care isn't that easy. You always hear that adoption can be a long process but you think of that in terms of newborn adoption because everyone wants a newborn. But adopting an older child from the foster care system? You get it pounded in your head over and over how badly these kids need permanent homes. And you open your heart and you say, "Hey! We got approved for adoption. We're willing to open our home to these kids." What they don't tell you is that there a plenty of other families trying to adopt these same kids, too. I am not even kidding, there are kids we submitted our home study for that had literally a hundred or more families submitting home studies for them, too! A hundred? Or more? Why didn't anyone tell us this???

On top of that, each state has its own rules/regulations/laws/what-have-you regarding adopting from foster care. Some states will allow prospective families to work directly with caseworkers. Others want you to go through an adoption agency and the caseworkers won't talk directly to the families. Which really makes it hard if you are looking outside your own state for a child to adopt. Particularly, if you live in a state, like we do, that does NOT require families to use an adoption agency. And guess what? *snort* Guess what??? Our state does not have any adoption agencies that work within the foster care system. Ahhahahahhahah awww crap! The difficulty of finding a child just increased exponentially.

So, we just start checking websites with photolistings of kids. We send out inquiries. Sometimes we'd hear back with more info on the kids. Sometimes we heard nothing at all. There are some states that are really horrible about getting back to you but I won't mention any names. *coughcoloradocough* Or we'd hear back and they'd say, "Send your home study!" Which we would do. Only to not hear anything back. So we'd email or call after a month. Sometimes we'd get a response, sometimes we didn't. And I'm thinking, "Why is it so freaking hard?!?" Okay, I get the caseworkers are probably super-duper ultra busy-like. But dude! How hard is it to take an hour or two each day, or an entire day once a week, and freakin' UPDATE people! I dunno. I'm sure that if there were any caseworkers reading this, they'd probably ream me a new one but honestly, I'd really like to know.

Look, I'm busy, too. I'm a mom, a wife, I have a full-time job that has been mega-busy lately. I got tons going on, too. Yet if I can manage to take a few minutes out of my day to shoot off an email and say, "What's up with the kid? Are you finding him/her a home or not", then they should be able to shoot a quick email and say, "We're working on it, Ms. Impatient!" Or, "We don't like you for this kid so just bugger off," or, "We like you for this kid but there's a bunch of other stuff we gotta deal with so just cool your jets." Something like that. Anything. Honestly, I think that's been the hardest part. It's not like we've been at it all that long. It's just the lack of info, the lack of communication, sending out information, talking to people (if you get that lucky), and never hearing back yet still seeing the kids listed on websites as needing a home. All I wanted was someone to tell me what's going on.

The Beginning. Sort of.

So because I'm absolutely brilliant, I made a comment in my last post about how I should have started this blog back in January but then I never said why. Which I will do in a moment. First, a little bit about me. Coz this is my blog and it makes sense to mention a little bit about me.

My name is Diana. I am a 42 year old mother of 3, with a 4th on the way. No, I'm not pregnant but we are adopting, which I will talk about momentarily. I am happily married to Brad for 2 years and we've been together going on 6 years. We have 19 year old Moon Unit, (almost) 14 year old Dweezil, and 10 year old Frank (names changed to protect the innocent). They are the bi-products of my previous marriage. Brad was not married previously and has no children of his own.

About 3 years ago, we unexpectedly found ourselves pregnant. Well, I was pregnant, not Brad, but you know what I mean. We had some mixed emotions on this. Brad had convinced himself that he did not want children, since he'd had some bad relationships and didn't think he would ever have any. I guess you could call it a defense mechanism. It's easier to accept not having children if you tell yourself you don't want any. And after having 3 children of my own, I had become quite convinced that I didn't want any more. Suddenly, here we were with the prospect of having a baby! It was overwhelming but after a while, the idea sunk in and we started to get excited about it. But when the 4th month rolled around, we miscarried. I won't burden you with the details because we have come to terms with this finally. Suffice it to say that it was a pretty horrible experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

We have tried unsuccessfully since then to get pregnant again. In the last 20 years, I have gotten pregnant 3 times accidentally but when I have tried (since the miscarriage and with my youngest son) to get pregnant, it just doesn't seem to happen, without a whole lot of help. Is this the definition of irony? I think it is.

For reasons that I can't explain, I have wanted to adopt a child for as long as I can remember, since I was very young for sure. I was unable to convince my ex to adopt and at first, I was unable to get Brad to agree to adoption either. But as time passed and we continued to be unable to get pregnant, he started to change his mind. We looked at first at infant adoption but that is an extremely costly process. I know it's totally un-PC to say this but I have come to feel that infant adoption is essentially legalized baby selling. I understand that there are a lot of legal things that need to happen in passing a child from one family to another and that good families need to be found to care for the infants but to me, that doesn't explain a lot of the costs associated with adopting an infant. I digress; this is one of my many soapbox issues.

So we started looking into adopting a child from the foster care system. I mean, here are hundreds, possibly thousands?, of children who have had a rough start in life who need permanent homes, who need to know that someone out there loves them. They need loving families to care for them, too. They are just as worthy of a permanent home and family as are the newborn children.

We (read: I) started looking at the photolistings of children in foster care, waiting to be adopted, across the country. I found a couple of adorable children in Oregon and they are what started the ball rolling for us. We made the decision when we saw them to start moving forward on this process, getting our home study done in January and making our inquiries. Little did we know what we were in for.