Who Needs Paper Towel?

The boys are up this weekend and we were sitting around the dinner table this evening, cracking jokes and eating (home-grilled) hamburgers. (I rock!) I discovered that we had no paper towels in the house to wipe our hands off on. Home-grilled hamburgers with condiments can be a bit messy. Add to that the fact that we were also eating chips and the discovery of no paper towels was a rather unfortunate turn of events.

So I started wiping my hands together, as if that's somehow going to rid me of the mess on my hands. Then I reached out towards Brad and Frank, who were sitting on either side of me, and wiped my hands off on their shirts. (I also let out an unexpected belch that set the wine glasses to tinkling in their rack and the whole family falling out of their chairs with laughter but that's another story all together.) Then I stuck my sticky fingers under the table to let our dog Sunny lick them off but that didn't help much either.

Brad, being the totally chivalrous dude that he is, leans his shoulder towards me and says: Here, go ahead and wipe your hands off. That's what shirts are for.

Me: Give me your pant leg.

Brad gives me a look.

Me: Oh yeah, it's not your pant leg, it's your socks.

Me, to the kids: Brad will wipe his fingers off on his socks when he's wearing them if he doesn't have a napkin.

Me, to Brad: So what do you do when you're not wearing any socks? Do you wipe them off on your ankles? I guess that's why men have hairy legs, to wipe off their dirty fingers.

Dweezil: I don't even want to know.

Me: No, it's good because then he has this stuff in the hair on his legs and then the dogs go up and lick his legs and the circle of life begins all over again.

Moral of the story: Make sure to always have paper towel on hand in case of emergency so that your wife doesn't share your dirty little secrets with the kids and her 9 blog followers.


Addendum: Now that I think about it, I think we might actually have some napkins in one of the storage cabinets in the kitchen, making the wiping off of my hands on other people's shirts totally unnecessary. I'm sure we all learned a very valuable lesson from this.