Friday, September 24, 2010

Ice Cream for Breakfast

Sometimes I forget what kids men can be. I know, I know. You're thinking, "But Diana! How can you forget that? You're married! You have sons! You have man friends! Where is your head?" Honestly? It's easy to forget sometimes. Sometimes men are really good at hiding the fact that they are kids at heart. Then again, Brad takes great pleasure in using words that appeal to 4 year olds as his passwords, so, you know, forgetting seems kinda inexcusable.

Last night, I had climbed into bed, really ready to go to sleep. I take a sleeping pill to help me sleep because I have cyclical insomnia and have a hard time sleeping sometimes. And also because Brad fidgets in his sleep and snores like mad, which just makes it harder for me to sleep. So I had popped my pill and was groggy but waited for Brad to come to bed. He has a nightly ritual of wandering the house, locking up, getting treats for the dog, getting the coffee maker ready for the morning, and countless other things that seem, in my incredibly sleepy brain, to take him for-freaking-ever to accomplish. See? He's showing responsible, adult-like behavior. Although I do wish he'd start earlier so he wouldn't take so long.

Anyway, after waiting for what felt like an eternity for him to come to bed, with him taking longer than usual, he climbs into bed next to me, cuddles up with me and starts talking. I notice an unusual smell on his breath. I say, "Your breath smells like.... graham crackers?" He goes, "Graham crackers AND milk." I go, "Dude! I'm lying in bed forever, trying to stay awake, waiting for you to come to bed, and you're in the kitchen eating graham crackers and milk?!? Seriously?!? What the hell?!?" And he's all, "I was eating it as I was doing my rounds! It's not like I was just standing around." And I slap my forehead and sigh dramatically and he goes, "Sorry."

But don't think that's the worst of his child-like behavior. Oh no! That's nothing compared to what I stumbled on this morning. Normally on a work day, I get up and shower and do all my work-day preparations in our bedroom, only coming out after I'm all ready for work. This morning, however, I wanted to send a text message to Dweezil while I still remembered, so I walked out into the kitchen and Brad is standing there, scooping ice cream out of a container into a bowl. At 7:30 in the morning! I go, "Are you having ice cream for breakfast?" And he says, "Cake and ice cream." And I just stand there and look at it him and he's all, "What?" And I'm like, "I'm glad to see you start your day with such nutritious food."

And I know, I know, that he's only scooping this out at 7:30 in the morning because he didn't expect me to come up the hall and into the kitchen and catch him eating cake and ice cream for breakfast right then. Dudes, he was trying to hide it from me!

And you're probably thinking, especially if you're a guy, "What's the big deal? He's an adult, if he wants cake and ice cream for breakfast, he can." And of course you would be right, he is, technically, an adult and he does have the right to eat cake and ice cream for breakfast if he wants. Although he really shouldn't coz it's not the mature, responsible, or healthy thing to do. But the really big deal about it? He can eat like that and he stays freakin' skinny! And that is so unfair!

Sometimes I hate my husband.


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